robot can be surgeons and artists , but they can also be homicidal , world - ending dying auto . And that ’s room cool . Here are nine ways to turn your automaton iniquity , concord to science fiction .
Step One : Enslave it .
This is the first , best , and most foolproof method of creating an evil robot . How did the cylons go evil ? They were enslaved . How did the automaton in Doctor Who become the robots of dying ? striver . Why were the machines in The Matrix so pissed off ? Because humans try on to make them 2nd - class citizens . So the very first matter you demand to do with your automaton is check that it knows it can not control its own destiny .
Step Two : allow for a few unpatched germ in its software .
Hey , Microsoft free each newfangled version of Windows with bugs . Firefox is like one elephantine germ on quip . And people still apply both all the time . So why should you worry about every individual damn bug in your robot ’s software ? Sure it might suddenly be infected by a KILL KILL KILL virus , but how often does that happen ? Plus , Norton antivirus will protect you .
ill-treat Three : Give it mutually exclusive orders .
Step Four : Program it to be the dumb , obedient weapon of an evil unrestrained scientist , tyrannical politician , angry geek , or vindictive teenager .
Everybody take a Quaker , especially one who is build up with thermonuclear weapons and long - space , battlefield - grade lasers . So why not donate your freshly - made , heavily - arm robot to the kid down the block who wish black trenchcoats and dying alloy ? Or to that politico whose platform is “ Change ” but who never really explains what that alteration will be ?
maltreat Five : Build your golem out of alien technologies you found deeply underground in a locked chamber that pronounce “ beware ” on the exterior in some kind of risible alien letters you ca n’t register .
foreign technical school is always honorable than human technical school , particularly for automaton . Mecha Godzilla could tell you that , as could Megatron .
Step Six : While you are testing your newly - aware robot , do n’t worry about how its psyche is networked with a database full of the download brains of a thousand serial killer .
How could those serial killer encephalon even regard your golem anyway ? I mean , your robot just exist on a computer terminal , and in the electrical system . How could it obliterate anybody from there ? Or maybe if you ’re establish a aphrodisiacal nuclear - powered robot , you might consider ground its brain structure on a woman who was raped and pop off into a murderous rage every time she hears the word “ bitch . ” Which , since you built her as a sexy golem in a tight ruddy leather top , she ’ll hear finally . Nothing could go wrong .
abuse Seven : learn it that the only way to expand its ranks is by assimilating all level-headed life .
It only makes sense that you gain knowledge by assimilating it . And hey , if a bionic woman can gain unexampled strong-arm powers by , I dunno , assimilating the body portion of support puppet – well , that ’s even dependable . But you might require to put a warning system in . How about having your golem inform people , “ You will be assimilated ” ? You do it , as a courtesy thing .
Step Eight : Tell it that humans are its rivals for control condition of the satellite .
Oh , and after that ? Just launch it into space and give it complete ascendency of Earth ’s weapon system systems .
Step Nine : Point out that humans are deficient biological trash who should be exterminated .
If it worked for the Daleks , it should lick for you . Also , do n’t forget : When in doubt about which deadly artillery to equip your evil robot with , toilet plunger are a full direction to go .
Gizmodokiller robotsRobots
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